PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT OR EMAIL ME WITH YOUR THOUGHTS. SINCE THIS WAS STARTED, IN FEBRUARY 08, I HAVE RECIEVED FEW EMAILS AND HARDLY ANY COMMENTS. I LEFT ONE COMMENT TO CHECK IT WAS WORKING. PLEASE MAKE ME FEEL THAT THIS SITE IS WORTHWHILE CARRYING ON WITH. I KNOW I GET ABOUT 250 HITS EACH MONTH, BUT I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WHERE YOU ARE, YOUR REASONS FOR VISITING ETC, ETC.

October

Lets see, what have I been up to this month?

Ok, lets start with my cat, Pina. (Peena) Did you know she loves pizza crusts, just the pizza base. Oh and she loves blueberry muffins! Strange cat.

October

Lets see, what have I been up to this month?

Ok, lets start with my cat, Pina. (Peena) Did you know she loves pizza crusts, just the pizza base. Oh and she loves blueberry muffins! Strange cat.

I have a big tabby that just comes in to pinch Pina’s food and see what I have left on my plate. Sometimes Pina is out, but somehow she knows and comes back, sits outside the cat flap, waits for the other cat to try and escape, then they try and bash hell out of each other through the cat flap! Pina caught a mouse the other day. I was in bed watching TV. She entertained me for about 20 minutes before crunching it up. Head n all!

She lost her voice the other week. She was opening her mouth, but nothing came out! After a few days she could manage a “…..ow.”

Because I had been feeling a little down of late I had a half head of highlights. Two hours in front of that bloody mirror. How I hated it. Forty eight and a man. don’t worry, they are very subtle. I spose it did make me feel better, so its justified fellas!

I had a very embarrassing moment in the local supermarket the other day. I wrote them an email;

I AM VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY ANGRY. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO EMBARASSED IN MY LIFE.

I HAVE HAD A STROKE AND AM IN A WHEELCHAIR. MY SPEECH IS BAD, BUT UNDERSTANDABLE. IT MUST BE, I USE HAVE USED THE PHONE ON MANY OCCASIONS. ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ME.

I WENT TO A CHECKOUT IN YOUR MAIN TEIGNMOUTH BRANCH. IT WAS A YOUNG GIRL. WHEN I SAID "CAN YOU TIE THE BAG ON" SHE JUST LOOKED AT ME GONE OUT. "TIE IT ON" I SAID. STILL SHE JUST LOOKED AT ME. I MUST HAVE SAID "TIE IT ON|" ABOUT 10 TIMES, WITH HER JUST LOOKING AT ME. I WAS GETTING ANGRY AND MY BODY WENT INTO SPASM. I MANAGED TO TYPE THE WORDS "TIE IT ON" ON MY PHONE, BUT SHE STILL DIDNT UNDERSTAND THAT. SHE HAD TO BE TOLD BY ANOTHER MEMBER OF STAFF WHAT IT MEANT!

SHE NEVER APOLOGISED TO ME, AS SUCH A SCENE WAS CAUSED WITH ME NOT ONLY GOING INTO SPASM, BUT SCREEMING ASWELL.

I AM LEFT FEELING VERY, VERY HUMILIATED AND EMBARASSED.

I AM NOW RELUCTANT TO GO BACK INTO YOUR STORE NOW AND I FEEL LIKE BRINGING THIS MATTER TO THE ATTENTION OF MY MP AND INFORMING THE LOCAL PRESS.

TIM MASON

They have apologised now and vow to train their staff better.

Oh, yes the Italian lessons are going well, but isn’t foreign grammar (verbs, nouns etc) so difficult.

I bought some tickets for me and Jacob to go up to London to see a car show and the Top gear road show. Jacob doesn’t know he is going yet, so it will be a lovely surprise for him. I had a complimentary train ticket to use and Jacob is classed as my carer, so he gets in for nothing.

What a change in the weather. One minute it is so mild. Today, (1. 11. 09.) is @/?[.

See you for Novembers news.

September

Am I better? I suppose. Although, this is a very difficult period for me. I feel so, so close to the edge of a bottomless cliff and I just cant move back. As I keep walking, the path is so narrow, I have to keep stepping down on to ledges.

I just started going to an Italian improvers course. There is some very basic stuff that I have forgotten, but I know some very advanced stuff, so I guess it balances out.

Pina, my cat, keeps catching mice. She played with one by my bed, the other night. She must have played with it for 20 minutes before crunching it up. Head an all.

She eats so many funny things, Blueberry muffins, Mushrooms, Pizza crust, Garlic, Leek and potato soup and Parmesan cheese.

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT/MESSAGE

(PS. The book continues.)

Mid September

I do feel a little better now, lonely, but better. I have recieved some nice emails and comments/messages and they are helping no end. I know Claudia will always be beside me and I must focus more on my boys now, but it is so, so difficult.

There are some new pictures.

******************************************************************

Ok, I have been very, very depressed since June, I actually took an overdose. There was an incident and the trigger was hearing Claudia say she wasn’t in love with me and we were not boy/girlfriend and we hadn’t been for many years. I guess I already knew that, but to hear it actually said was too much. She will always remain by my side though.

I haven’t been the same since. I am now spilling the beans, emotionally, by email, to the Samaritans. I don’t think I will consider suicide, but it is always there to fall back on. I think it would help me to share some of my emails, to the Samaritans, with you:

-----Original Message-----

From: Tim Mason [mailto:disabled_tim@zen.co.uk]

Sent: 02 September 2009 12:43

To: 'jo@samaritans.org'

Cc: 'kim & jerry Mason'; Claudia Ricci; 'Sharon'

Subject: RE: YOU SPOKE TO MY BROTHER IN CANADA

I hope it is okay, but I have copied the emails to my Brother, Claudia and a close friend, to show that I am trying to deal with this. I will be honest and open about my feelings with you, but I think it is important to openly discuss things, so that people realise whats goining through my mind and what improvement I am making and if necessary I will try and listen to their comments.

I guess suicide is still an option, but it doesn’t feel so definate now. Expressing myself by email is quite a good thing. As it does help so much as I have found I can be more honest about my inner feelings instead of just showing my outside shell, which I would do more if I was face to face.

I guess I feel weak now and inadequate because I cannot do the things that a normal man/dad/partner would. I cannot go running, (which I loved) I cannot kick a ball around with my sons and I cannot perform the functions of a partner. That’s why I feel weak and inadequate. I love my sons so, so much and yes, I have written two books. I am amazed that my two sons love me so much especially my youngest son in Italy. That does surprise me, as I can only be a "dad" to him for two weeks of the year. I guess the books are away for me to express myself and escape this life.

Claudia is so very important in my life, I guess so much so that she is the focus of my love so much that I find it hard to build a loving relationship with people around me. I can see that this is wrong now.

I had a little counselling when I first had my stroke, but it must have taken me a good six months to accept what had happened to me and by then the support had ended. I could not really explore my deep feelings in the beginning, as I didn’t realise what had happened.

Tim

-----Original Message-----

From: The Samaritans [mailto:jo@samaritans.org]

Sent: 01 September 2009 21:04

To: disabled_tim@zen.co.uk

Subject: RE: YOU SPOKE TO MY BROTHER IN CANADA

Hello Tim,

You have been very open with us about your feelings of suicide, your life and the future and we hope you get some comfort from being able to express yourself. We are sorry, but we can't give you any advice.

We can only offer you emotional support, which we are happy to do for as long as you need us.

In one of your emails yesterday you were seriously considering suicide. Are you still feeling that way today?

Reading through your previous emails you describe yourself as a weak person. Why is that? You may have some problems which prevent you from doing a lot of things but you have also achieved a lot. You have two sons, who you think the world of and you have written two books.

Both of these are fantastic things and things you should be very proud of.

Your relationship with Claudia is obviously very important to you and occupies a lot of your thinking time. How do you spend your time to ensure that other people close to you feel the love and attention that you long to give them?

Have you received any support since your stroke from the medical profession or from counselling?

Do keep in touch during this difficult time. We will not judge you but we will help you think through your feelings.

Jo

-----Original Message-----

From: Tim Mason [mailto:disabled_tim@zen.co.uk]

Sent: 03 September 2009 12:10

To: 'jo@samaritans.org'

Cc: 'kim & jerry Mason'; Claudia Ricci; 'Sharon'

Subject: RE: YOU SPOKE TO MY BROTHER IN CANADA

Ok, I have written 2 books which is an achievement, I will give you that, but it doesn’t really hide my inadequacies. As a man, I cannot do all the things a man would do, drive, DIY, (I was good at that) run and walk, swim, cycle etc, etc. As a dad I cant kick a ball around, attend achievement awards and take on the responsibilities of being a dad. As a partner I am not in a position to be physically next to that one person or give any physical love, I cannot share their life, I am in no position to offer any financial support anyway. Every man can do this, I cannot.

I feel that I have only developed one skill and that’s writing which I have already said, is my way of expressing myself and escaping.

I think the main thing to explore about my innermost feelings, is my fear of the future. I really have no idea how I will cope like this for 25/30/35 years and if I deteriorate and end up in a home, my fierce independence could not cope with that and I fear I would deterioate even quicker.

Tim

-----Original Message-----

From: The Samaritans [mailto:jo@samaritans.org]

Sent: 02 September 2009 16:26

To: disabled_tim@zen.co.uk

Subject: RE: YOU SPOKE TO MY BROTHER IN CANADA

Hello Tim,

Its good that you feel able to share your feelings with people you love and trust now and by doing this you indicate that its helped to reduce your suicidal feelings a little.

You tell us that you feel weak and inadequate because you cannot do the things that you consider a normal man can do but you have successfully written two books using one finger to type. This is something that not every man would be able to achieve and probably makes people around you feel proud of you.

There may be things that you cannot do, but have you considered what new skills you have developed and how these can be used for the future?

You mentioned that you had counselling previously but that it has now ended and left you unable to explore your deepest feelings. If you would like to explore these, Samaritans are here to help you.

Jo

IF YOU COULD LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, IT WILL HELP.

THANKS

April

DON’T FORGET MY BOOK(S)

I suppose the biggest thing that has happened this month, is the earthquake in central Italy. My girlfriends parents have a holiday/weekend house about 20 - 30 miles north west of where the earthquake was. I have been there many times and I have also been into L’Aquila. Her father has just undergone a major operation, so they are at their house in Rome. For sure he would have been at their holiday/weekend house with my son, Giona. Fortunately, that house is quite new and very strong, so they just got away with some smashed ornaments.

Pina (Peena) my cat is so funny. She will drop everything, including food, to rush out and meet the dustmen.

Try this its awesome;

I sort of made up this recipe. I got the basic recipe off the web and adjusted it.

 

Mushroom and (chicken) stroganoff

So quick and easy to make, I can understand why this dish became one of the stereotypical Vegetarian Options at "traditional" pubs and restaurants all over the country (the other stereotypical Vegetarian Options being vegetable lasagne and risotto). Not that I have anything against any of these dishes, or I wouldn't be including recipes for them on my website! Enjoyable in moderation, shall we say.

250-300g mushrooms of various types (Or 125ish grams of mushrooms and a chicken breast.)

I also just chuck in a few veg.

4 tbsp bailey’s

200ml cremefraiche

2 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp dried oregano

black pepper to taste

Chop the mushrooms and fry in the olive oil. (I just chuck it all in the slow cooker and add the cremefraiche at the end) Add the pepper, oregano and red wine and allow to simmer for 10 minutes. Stir in the cremefraiche and heat gently to serving temperature. I guess you could serve with rice or pasta.

Serves 2.

There was a big fopar at the train station the other week. The train drew in, the station lady put the ramp down, then picked it up again, then put it back down. There were a couple of people in the corridor preventing me from getting on. Why they were there beats me, as the train was quite empty! Instead of asking them to move, the station lady just picked up the ramp. I began screaming. She signalled to close the door. I really started screaming. The train started to pull away with me screaming on the platform edge. When it was gone she couldn’t understand why I was so upset! How can I get on with */?’@#> people in the way? Me and my son “were” going to go to the cinema.

BOOK(S)

I recently had another bad experience with Cross country trains. I sent in an official complaint;

Today (04.05.09) I caught the 12.49 from Teignmouth, terminating at Paignton. JUST. I was taking my 13 year old son to the cinema.

The guard on the train advised me that, as I was in a wheelchair, I should catch the next train as it was company policy that electric wheelchairs could not be carried on your trains and that I should not have been carried previously. He further went on to say, that he had no access to any ramp. as the train was not equipped with one. I kicked up a fuss. My son and I argued that we needed to catch that train. Moments later he got a ramp off the train!

I can't see anywhere on your website that prohibits electric wheelchairs on your trains.

Could you please furnish me with an answer as to his actions.

May

I see that I have got some comments/messages, which I am very, very grateful for as it makes this website so worth while. It is nice to get a comment/message, no matter how small, as it shows that, not only that this site is worthwhile (Which I hope it is) but, it is good to get some feedback and that you can prove your visit and show some interest.

The book, The dragon of Borcia, is selling quite well. I have stopped charging post and packaging now and I will even throw in my other book, “The best that I can be” all about my new disabled life, (Don’t worry, it’s not depressing, it’s funny and positive.) for free, as I over ordered. Don’t forget that there is a link to buy a copy of the new book. I’ve been told that it holds great appeal and escapism for adults as well as children. Probably due to the fact that the whole family make friends with the talking horse and talking dragon and all have a hand in rescuing the wizard!

Hasn’t the weather been all over the place? While we have had days of 12c, Claudia and Giona have been enjoying temperatures of about 30c in Rome! Its great there. I must have gone about 30 times. So much to see. If you get a chance, go. It really is beautiful. No Social Services or benefits though, you are treated like a second class citizen if you are disabled.

I have a stray cat that comes in and nicks my cats food, I guess it comes in about two or three times a day, generally at night. I don’t mind and my cat doesn’t really mind. Jacob and I were curious to know where it came from. We asked everyone in the road, but no one knows. Jacob knocked on one door and was greeted by an old, little, foreign lady with bad English. It was obvious she didn’t understand. She disappeared, reappeared and gave Jacob a £1. He was bewildered! I couldn’t stop laughing!

I have had a problem with a noisy neighbour. It is normally so peaceful here, but on nice days, they will insist on throwing open their patio doors and having their music so, so loud that it distorts at times. My carer did go and ask them to turn it down, which they agreed to do, for a few days. It’s back up now. It is really so loud. I could feel the base beat in my chair, in my flat.

I contacted the police, but they don’t want to know, as they said it is a council problem. I contacted the council, but I know they can take weeks, so I sent the tenants a, hand delivered, letter so time will tell now.